Justice For Women Campaign; SAPS Programmes Addressing Violence Against Women

3. GENERAL OVERVIEW OF FAMILY LIFE PRIOR TO THE DEATH OF FATHER.
3.1. Impact of domestic violence
"I remember the time when my daddy punched my mummy in the nose and she started bleeding. There was so much blood. My brother ran to the bathroom to fetch toilet paper and forget to tear off a piece. The toilet paper followed him to the kitchen."

Domestic violence has been classified as a situation of repeated trauma. A traumatic event is one in which a person experiences or witnesses an event in which there is actual or threatened death and serious injury, and the person feels powerless.

In all of the families, family life prior to the death of the father was characterised by chronic violence and abuse. As such, all of the children witnessed the violence that their mothers were subjected to and, in most cases, were also subjected to abuse. They were thus both direct and indirect victims of domestic violence. The children’s experiences varied in terms of the extent and range of abuse they were exposed to or experienced. In some families, the children observed their mother’s being repeatedly and severely beaten and sustaining physical injury. Often, some of the older children played care-giving functions to their younger siblings and their mothers. In all of the cases the children wanted to help their mothers from suffering abuse at the hands of their fathers but felt powerless to do so because of their age and lack of power in the household.

The children were subject to the abusive circumstances under which their mothers lived. Hence, if the abusive husband chose to deprive the wife of basic necessities such as food and clothing, the children suffered the neglect as well. Children were also drawn into their father’s abusive behaviour by being asked to monitor their mother’s activities, visitors and phone calls and report this to their father.

In the majority of families, this trauma of witnessing violence was compounded by the children’s own experiences of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse by their fathers.

Table 2. Children’s experience of paternal abuse

As the above table illustrates, a majority of the children witnessed parental violence and were emotionally abused by their fathers. Emotional abuse took the form of verbal abuse, insults, emotional cruelty, drawing some of the children into abusive behaviour, among other things. Many children were also neglected by their fathers and this took the form of both emotional and physical neglect. Most often, the fathers would stop buying necessities such as food and clothing for the children, even though they were in a position to do so. Most of the men stopped the women from working outside of the home, and thus the children suffered the adverse consequences.

The range of physical abuse the children experienced differed widely in terms of severity and frequency of the abuse. Some of the children were beaten severely and this resulted in physical injury requiring medical treatment or hospitalisation while others suffered physically less injurious behaviour. A small percentage of the children were sexually abused by the father-figure. This ranged from one incident to ongoing rape and sexual molestation. Interestingly, none of those sexually abused were the biological children of the father figure. None of the male children reported sexual abuse.

The effect of trauma on children can manifest in different ways depending on their stage of development. Children who experiences repeated trauma such as domestic violence are usually exposed to multiple rather than once-off events e.g. repeated parental abuse, having to leave the home to escape violence, moving frequently or a parent leaving the home and are thus likely to develop chronic behavioural and social problems. Children who experience trauma in early childhood (3-5 years) and adolescence are particularly vulnerable to the effects of trauma because these developmental stages involve the child negotiating independence from parents and developing identities distinct from the parent. Trauma in early childhood and adolescence may have the effect of delaying or interrupting normal developmental processes and can be permanently detrimental to a child.

As can be seen from the table, most of the children experienced abuse and trauma during the 3-5 year or adolescent developmental stage, and therefore were more vulnerable to the effects of the abuse. The repeated traumatic events, even if brief in nature, becomes imprinted on a child’s memory and is something which the child may struggle to come to terms with over a long period of time. Children thus struggle with thoughts, feelings and visual images of the traumatic events, long after they are over.

Children who witness or experience domestic violence suffer consequences affecting the psychological, emotional and behavioural domains and may manifest post-traumatic stress symptoms.

Psychological reactions:
· Children who are abused or witness domestic violence develop defence mechanisms in order to continue to live in an environment that is constantly threatening. One such defence mechanism is disassociation and the capacity for inducing such a mechanism is high in school age children. Dissociation is the altering of reality in order to escape an intolerable situation and may be consciously or unconsciously invoked in order to reduce psychological distress. These states become automatic and seem involuntary. One form of dissociation found among these children was epileptic seizures which result either while witnessing parental abuse or when such violence is imminent. Some children utilised the defence mechanism of somatisation or developing somatic problems such as headaches and stomach aches or other medical problems which required medical attention.
· Most of the children evidenced features of depression or were diagnosed as depressed by doctors. Some of the symptoms include insomnia, poor concentration and difficulty in concentrating at school and suicidal ideation.
· Impaired self-esteem and high level of anxiety as a result of experiencing and witnessing abuse, particularly that of
· Some of the children experienced post-traumatic stress symptoms such as flashbacks of violent events, being preoccupied with thoughts of the abusive parental home, nightmares or being hyper-vigilant.

Behavioural reactions:
· Declining performance in school work due to poor concentration and attempts to block out abuse.
· A range of social problems including suspected drug use and truanting from school.
· Some of the children became passive and withdrawn while others exhibited increased aggression both with siblings and with peers at school.
· Some of the children would ask for food from neighbours due to being neglected.
· In some cases the abuse also impacted on relationships with the extended family, where the children blamed others e.g. the grandmother for being complicit in and causing their mother to be abused. This damaged the relationship in the long term.
· Some of the children, particularly older girls, were forced to assume adult responsibilities at an early age.

Emotional Reactions:
· Some of the children developed an intense fear of their fathers and in some cases this was then generalised to all men.
"I don’t like Oupa so much. I don’t want to play with him"
· All of the children experienced emotional and physical insecurity due to the abuse and were thus extremely vulnerable.

The quality of mothering prior to incarceration, in the context of abusive family life.
Table 3. Primary care-giving responsibilities prior to maternal imprisonment

Before the death of the father and the imprisonment of the mother, all except 2 of the children were living within the conventional understanding of a family unit. In other words, both parents were superficially providing care to the children. However, the emotional and physical care was being provided, in reality, almost exclusively by the mother.

The quality of mothering varied. In general, though:
· the mother was a CONSISTENT figure
· mother was NOT abusive (there are two cases where the mother allegedly was abusive on occasion, but this seemed to be a comparatively peripheral (if not unimportant) issue even when explored)
· mother was caring, and wanted the best for her children, even when it put her at risk in some way (e.g. a mother prosecuting husband for sexual abuse of the children, or shielding children from witnessing or experiencing paternal abuse). That is, mothers were protective, sometimes to their own detriment.
· Mother DID find mothering a difficult process under the circumstances of chaos and conflict. It is clear that mothering was not ‘perfect’, but in many cases certainly ‘good enough’ mothering.

4. IMPACT OF THE DEATH OF THE FATHER AND INCARCERATION OF THE MOTHER
These events were a major crisis and shock for ALL of the children involved. Most did not have access to full information (some still do not) and thus the process was unclear and intensely confusing.

"I haven’t seen my father for a long time. [My sister] says he is dead but when I ask her why or how he died, she cries and won’t tell me."

Table 4. Age at time of maternal imprisonment

Thematic issues:
Change in lifestyle and caregivers
"When we lived with my parents we had bicycles. Now we don’t even have food and clothes."
· Physical changes:
All children living in the family home had an immediate change in lifestyle and accommodation after the imprisonment of their mother, and then often a number of changes after this until a more long term solution for care was set up. This meant that they experienced huge physical changes which included the loss of their home environment, loss of their neighbourhood, local friends, and often their school, and a drop in living standards for most.

· Change in roles and relationships.
- There is evidence of major role changes experienced after the mothers’ imprisonment, especially for the older girls (even when they were only comparatively older, eg. Some took over at only 10 years old). They became parental figures and had to not only assume EMOTIONAL responsibility for ‘parenting’ younger siblings, but also often forced to make huge lifestyle decisions on behalf of the ‘family’. (e.g. I young girl chose to move the family.) These children, forced into pseudo-mothering roles, have no mentoring/emotional support themselves.
- In one case (i.e. an older girl child), the older girl in the family was practically disowned by both her mother’s and father’s relatives and was effectively abandoned.
- There is an antagonistic/unhealthy relationship with paternal relatives in all of the children.

· Paternal vs. maternal familial care:

Table 5. Current caregiver

It is notable that the majority of children are being cared for by their PATERNAL (rather than maternal) relatives. The interviews clearly highlighted a significant difference in the quality of care for those living with maternal families to those with paternal families. Very clear ambivalence towards the children was displayed by the paternal carer families, and at times, outright hostility.

This included a differing standard of care:
- Emotional care: There is a huge range in emotional care, from good (found in maternal familial caregivers) to non-existent. Those staying with the paternal family are most likely to have NO emotional care, characterised by the children living in a household, and in some cases, even having adequate food, shelter and educational provision, but having almost NO communication with the caregivers at all, and certainly having zero emotional input or support from them. (e.g. two families)
- Presence of abuse: Unfortunately it is evident that some of these children are also experiencing active abuse in the homes of paternal relatives. Thus the environment is not just neutral, rather the hostility (or at least the ambivalence) that the family feels in caring for the children of the woman who killed their relative is played out in active abuse of the children. This was acknowledged by one of the caregivers. Certainly emotional abuse exists in a number of families, and probable physical abuse in 3 families.

Table 6. Children’s Experience of abuse after maternal imprisonment

"Your mother is a witch and when she comes out [of prison] she’ll kill you just like she killed your father."

"The thing I am most scared of is coming home from school because I know my uncle will beat me"

"My father was horrible to my mother. He didn’t treat her like a wife. That’s why I always say: Who killed who first?"

Misuse of children’s funds/grants
Financial care is a major issue as there is no breadwinner left at all in the immediate family. In all carer families there was a struggle to incorporate the children into their financial budget, however, there is also evidence of the misuse and abuse of children’s funds in paternal families. (e.g. two families)

4.2. Psychological effects
· General emotional symptoms
- Depression, anxiety and insecurity was evident in ALL children that we interviewed.
- Pervasive feelings of anger and of having been cheated was common.
"When I watch the girls of my age walking by, dressed up in nice clothes, going to restaurants, I remember the time our father used to give us money to eat at Wimpy."
- Fear of abandonment came up as a common theme in ALL interviews. This was often consciously linked by the children to their experiences of having felt abandoned by their mother.
"If my husband leaves me now, who do I have left to rely on?"

· Coping mechanisms utilised to deal with mother’s absence,
All the children learned to cope in some way with their mother’s absence. Psychological coping mechanisms are often a means to PROTECT one from the hurt and pain of an event. Common methods found among these children include:
- fantasy (e.g. everything will be ‘the same’ when she is released). Also, idealisation of the mother (remembers only the good things about feeling secure and protected, and nothing of the reality of living with their mothers)
"When my mom comes out everything will go back to the way it was before and we will be happy."
- avoidance/denial (common that some wouldn’t talk re: mother or visit or ask questions)
- deep anger as a way of protecting against mom’s absence
- Assuming adult roles and responsibilities earlier than is the norm e.g. (with two older girls)
- An unusual and interesting one which can be seen as a positive adaptation, is that in 2 cases the children seemed to cope by increasing their religious observance.

"He was being very naughty kicking the back door. So I told him that if he continued all his naughty mischief the police would catch him and put him in jail. He stopped immediately and asked if they could put him with his mother."

· Adjustment issues to new caregiver,
- Emotional and physical adjustments to new caregiver was often made by the children with very little accommodation from the caregiver’s side. This is often a function of the basic dependency the children experience – they don’t have a choice about fitting into their new environment. (Note though that some caregivers made a HUGE accommodation for the children).
- In at least two of the families the oldest daughters were accused of assisting their mothers to murder their fathers by paternal relatives and this has damaged the relationship significantly. These accusations leave the children at the fringes of the paternal families.
- Many of the children forced to play adult roles and undertake adult functions i.e. domestic responsibilities, child-care responsibilities, in some cases, income-earning responsibilities (exploitation?) as some caregivers insisted on this.

Unresolved issues centred around the abuse of the mother and themselves, and on the father’s death.
- Real confusion about feelings about father’s death. Relief that there is no more abuse to endure from him, but especially the younger children missed a father figure.
- Major unresolved trauma re: circumstances of his death:
The violent nature of it
The involvement of the mother
- Some older children stated NO confusion: glad he is dead. This perception of his death seems to be significantly different if he was/was not the biological father.

· Impact of stigma.
Deep shame at events. They did not experience active stigma universally, but there was definitely a universal PERCEPTION that they will meet stigma ‘out there’. Children devised ‘cover-stories’ together with their caregivers in some instances, of the whereabouts of their mother e.g. that she was working away from home

4.3. Behavioural effects
· Stealing
- A few children displaying periodic stealing. This seems in these cases to be related to the need for nurturance/care/attention (not necessarily material need). Interestingly, in one case it is also DIRECTLY related to the mother, as the money has been taken near Christmas or the mother’s birthday with the stated intention of buying her a nice present.
- However, there are 2 cases where stealing seems to be motivated by deprivation (eg. Stealing clothes to wear and money to buy food).
· Lying is common, usually as a means to seek attention.
· Aggression
Fighting at school and aggressive behaviour among the younger children occurs, but it is interesting to note that one of the older children has comparatively recently been found guilty of assault in a court of law. It is impossible to say whether this is directly related to the mother’s absence, or whether it might have been encouraged by the child’s witness to years of serious violence in the home as the primary means of communication.
· Regression
- One child very strongly regresses whenever there is a visit to the mother: she begins to talk and act about 5 years younger than her chronological age. This is likely related to the need for care AND for recapturing a past relationship with the mother.
- Other regression includes enuresis and inability to sleep alone at night.
· Scholastic performance
- All school performance among the children is mediocre to very poor. This can be seen as a direct impact from the frequent change of schools, but it is also clearly related to emotional stress and inability to perform optimally under those conditions.
At least one child had to drop out of school as did not have the practical means to continue and was concerned with basic survival issues.

4.4. Effects on relationships
· Ambivalent relationship with mother
- Deep anger at mother, partly regarding her part in the death of the father (or father figure), but especially around the perception that mother abandoned them. But at the same time, almost all truly wanted and needed mother with them. It is important to note that this ambivalence remains UNRESOLVED while the mother is in prison – this is very destructive for their future relationship.
- Some have had no or very limited contact with their mother since imprisonment making it difficult to maintain relationship continuity between mother/child. They have thus lost touch with the realities and happenings in one another’s lives.
- Most of the children see their mother as an idealised figure who can mend all of their problems – this has serious implications for deep emotional disappointment for when their mother is finally released.

· Difficulty in forming relationships.
"I don’t know how long I will stay married as marriages never last."
- All have major issues of trust in relationships.
- Also, disclosure to others of their own circumstances poses a huge problem for them.
- Issues of dependency, reliance and unconditional love and care all remain elusive and difficult to recreate in other relationships.
- This is true of relationships with current carers, peers, and in the older children, in relationships with the opposite sex. Those in a marriage or longer term relationship acknowledged difficulties related to trust and betrayal.
- Views on their own likelihood of marriage ranged from fantasy of a wonderful, caring husband to extreme negativity around marriage and relationships stated as never wanting to marry.

· How they feel about mother’s incarceration
"I never used to believe that my mother could have done it [killed my father], but everyone is saying it is true so it must be. And if it is true it’s a terrible thing so she should be in jail."
- All upset, angry and ashamed by mother’s incarceration.
- Some (especially younger ones) have constructed the return of their mother as the central theme in their lives. Some of the older children feel very bitter about her incarceration and don’t like to be disappointed, and so don’t think actively of her return.
- Some see the imprisonment as fair given the deed although they did not like it, while some maintain their mother could not be guilty.

· Relationship with siblings and caregiver,
Generally variable, except where there is a pseudo-mothering relationship between two siblings, where it is unusually close.

5. CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
5.1. Conclusions
Although there are similar patterns to other cases where children’s parents have been incarcerated in different circumstances, there are a few UNIQUE features that make these particular children more vulnerable.
5.1.1. These children have lost BOTH parents in traumatic circumstances and their PRIMARY CAREGIVERS are in prison. This results in extreme issues of loss and manifests in almost all the children in a fear of abandonment.
5.1.2. In terms of the context above, these children’s social supports, social networks and care are usually CONDITIONAL on whether the care is from paternal or maternal family. Paternal relatives provide care in a negative context, ranging from general anger to active hostility towards the children. This can include:
- The stopping, or at least the lack of facilitation, of visitation with mother.
- The child’s relationship with his/her mother being contaminated by a hostile/conflictual attitude towards the mother in their everyday environment.
- In some cases, active emotional or physical abuse of the children.
5.1.3. These children have major unresolved relationship issues with their mothers. In particular, they have not resolved the issue of the role of their mother in the death of their father. All of them are aware of the abuse their mother suffered, but on some level a few children believe imprisonment is just because of her role in the father’s death. At the same time, of course, they all feel her loss keenly and are hoping for her release.
5.1.4. Some children have been accused by their paternal family of having been complicit in the murder of their father. This is terribly upsetting for the children themselves, and has seriously negative implications for the level of care they might receive (e.g. one older girl was abandoned).
5.1.5. All the children have had to and continue to re-cast their own identities. Not only do they have to deal with and make sense of who they are in relation to their abusive fathers who then died violently, but also in relation to their mother’s role in this, her subsequent imprisonment and what this means to them. In some cases this process is made much harder by family forces who commonly either claim or disown the children’s identity as linked to their own.
5.1.6. In these cases there is a diminished likelihood of positive reconstitution and reconstruction of the family when the mother is released. In particular:
- External constraints such as paternal family not wanting to have anything at all to do with the mother.
- The mother and children have, in the main, completely lost touch with the day to day reality of each other’s lives. Most children have developed a distorted (usually idealized) version of their mother which will be impossible for the mother to live up to.
5.1.7. The children have been given little information or, most often, misinformation about the context of the loss of their father and mother, particularly with regard to the circumstances of the father’s death and the mother’s imprisonment. Not knowing leads to long-term insecurity and confusion.
5.1.8. Imprisonment of their mother is experienced by the children as traumatic, and this exacerbates the previous experience of trauma related to domestic violence. They have been given no emotional space to resolve past traumas (such as witnessing serious violence in their home, their own experiences of physical, emotional and sexual abuse where it occurred, their father’s death), and are having to cope with further crises in addition (in some cases, further abuse). This has serious implications for their ability to resolve the trauma of their separation from their mother.
5.1.9. Caregivers are usually of the older generation (i.e. grandparents) and they are less able physically, emotionally and financially to care for the children properly.

5.2. Recommendations
5.2.1. Where children have lost both parents/caregivers on the imprisonment of a mother, the type of care these children subsequently receive must be closely monitored. In particular the following must be monitored, preferably in collaboration with the Department of Social Development:
- neglect
- emotional and physical abuse
- financial mismanagement of the children’s funds (the Department of Justice should have more control over the children’s funds)
5.2.2. In the case of long-term maternal imprisonment, the Department of Justice must make adequate maternal visitation arrangements. This includes:
Increasing the visitation rights of mothers serving long term prison sentences (one hour a week is not enough to maintain a proper relationship with even one child, let alone more than one)
- The visiting environment should be more conducive to developing and maintaining the maternal relationship (e.g. have a basic ‘play centre’ for mothers and children)
- The Department must find a way of FACILITATING children’s visits to their mothers – many families don’t have the financial means or the commitment to facilitate this process.
5.2.3. We are NOT recommending that women should not be punished for crimes they commit, but long-term maternal incarceration especially in the context of domestic violence is patently NOT in the best interests of the children. There should be a more creative balance between incarceration and correctional supervision, particularly as the women we are referring to are NOT habitual criminals and are not a danger to society. In fact, long term incarceration does not serve society as we are creating serious emotional and environmental problems for the children of the incarcerated woman, which may have negative effects on society.